Training implies teaching – people need to step back and understand what’s trainable and what is not. You can teach a dog to sit, down, roll over. You can teach a dog teatherball or weaving through poles. You cannot teach a dog to behave and you as a human cannot teach a dog how to be a dog. Dogs need other dogs in order to learn how to “dog”. You cannot train behavior – and that’s the very reason training fails so often.
Obedient does not equate to behaved. It’s two completely different worlds.
I can’t tell you how often I hear people saying that they’ve been through trainer after trainer, throw in a behaviorist or 2, thousands of dollars and no results – or the dog has gotten worse. But the only responses these dog owners get is “hire a trainer” – or control or manage the dog. This is to the level of lunacy that training has become. These are the most caring dog owners and all they want is some real help – and they can’t find it.
Why is this happening? Because people are focused on fixing a dog that isn’t broken. The dog has no trust for anything, doesn’t understand what it’s facing. The relationship with your dog is broken. You see, all good relationships start with solid trust. If trust doesn’t exist – then you’re in a toxic relationship. If you can’t trust your spouse for any reason, then respect is impossible and you will never be confident in that relationship. The same goes for your dog. You have a choice to leave that relationship – the dog is stuck with you, it doesn’t have that choice.
“I don’t trust my dog” is the number one thing I hear from owners – it means the relationship is toxic. It’s not about fixing the dog, it’s about fixing the relationship with the dog. That can’t be trained. You wouldn’t go to a trainer to fix your marriage – so why go to a trainer to fix the relationship with your dog?
I’ve been talking to many owners lately, and actually had an amazing 2 hour conversation with an owner with a reactive dog. She hit many nails on the head. She followed all the professional advice given on raising the puppy. The vet said the puppy can’t be around dogs til it’s fully vaxxed. Trainers recommended crate training and heaven forbid you bring your dog around adult dogs or bring it to a park. Too many dogs are forced to live in this tiny world because of professionals. However.
You’re creating an anti-social dog out of the gate based on advice that is driven by fear. Then wondering why your dog is displaying anti-social behaviors.
Aggression and reactivity are not a diagnosis first of all – and trainers need to start doing better. Aggression and reactivity are nothing more than anti-social behaviors – they are symptoms, the outcome of a problem. What’s the problem, what is causing these behaviors – that’s what needs to be worked on. What is the cure? Anti-social dogs need to be Socialized – and socialization is about making the big scary world “not a big deal”. Stop making a big deal out of everything. Think about it this way, all the advice from professionals cause you to create an anti-social dog and you’re surprised that your dog is showing aggression and reactivity.
Aggression is a symptom – not a fixable condition. You cannot fix aggression – but that’s where everything tends to end with many trainers. I say different – you don’t fix aggression – it’s only a symptom. Figure out what’s causing the aggression, focus on that, repair that – and the aggression disappears. For example, I worked with an aggressive Chihuahun a while back, trainers declared it “unfixable” but the dog had a mouthful of rotten teeth. A toothache will drive me to insanity – the owner took the dog to a vet, took care of the teeth and aggression disappeared. The underlying cause was fixed – the dog wasn’t aggressive – it was in pain and striking out because of it.
If you’re controlling and managing your dogs behaviors – you’re controlling and managing symptoms because that’s all you can do is manage the symptoms. It’s a dog, not diabetes. We need to understand why the dog is displaying these behaviors. Fix the underlying behavior – the symptoms disappear, the aggression disappears. That’s how it works. You’re taking away the reason for the aggression or specific behaviors.
Reactivity is due to fear – and fear is nothing more than lack of trust. You fear that which you don’t trust. The dog doesn’t trust anything and the dog doesn’t trust your judgment – what reason have you given it to trust? You do not terminate fear, you can’t – you focus on earning the dogs trust. As trust builds, fear disappears – the reactivity disappears. When your dog trusts you – and more importantly trusts your judgment (your choices) – they won’t need to be afraid. They trust you to have their back, to protect them when they need it. But you also need to learn to trust the dog, trust the dog to make choices. Confidence can only come from trust and respect.
It’s time to think different. And no, you cannot “make” your dog trust you – it has to be earned. Be trustworthy. Be the owner that the dog wants – they want a real relationship with you – they want to be your best friend and that’s what’s missing today.