You can never rely on a horse that is educated by fear. There will always be something that he fears more than you. But when he trusts you, he will ask you what to do when he is afraid. Antoine de Pluvinel.
That is so elequently stated. Same goes for dogs. And don’t forget people. You fear that which you don’t trust.
Isn’t it funny how completely calm dogs are never an issue? The problem is always excitement. It’s excitement that leads to barking, pulling on the leash, jumping on people – right on up to reactivity and displays of aggression. It’s all excitement – the excited brain.
Training today has people focused on the outcome of excitement. Why are people focused on fixing a dogs barking, or pulling on the leash or downright aggression – when an excited brain is the issue? You’re focused on the wrong things. So focus on calming the dog.
Socialization is about making the big scary world “not a big deal”. When dogs display reactivity or aggression – they are reacting to something that is a “big deal”. Why is it a big deal? It could be human, dog or other animals – or inanimate objects. This is why proper socialization fixes so much, you really want to remove these “big deals” – and in order to do that – you need to let the dog choose to investigate it. If you keep taking the dog away from these “big deals” – they become bigger deals and the displays of reactivity and aggression get worse – no?
What people really want is an overall calm dog. But how do we get there?
If you want to understand the dog – go look in the mirror and understand the animal looking back at you. Every animal behaviorist on the planet will tell you that. You are an animal and you share behaviors with all animals. There is nothing more aggressive and dangerous than a human being. What makes you angry – aggressive? What makes you scared – reactive? Now look at your dog. Humans fear what they do not trust – and your dog is no different. Your dog is a reflection of you.
Trust is universal to all animals – humans included.
Take the time to ask yourself – does my dog trust me completely, does my dog trust the choices I make for him? If you come to the conclusion that dog doesn’t trust you – then that’s where you start. You can’t train a dog to trust you, you can’t train a human to trust you. It has to be earned and you earn it through respect. A dog that doesn’t trust you has no valid reason to follow you or feel secure around you. You are the same. But a dog that does trust you has no valid reason to be scared when he’s with you – they feel secure with you.
What is it about people that you call your best friend? Once your dog trusts you, they will change so fast, it will make your head spin. And you don’t need to “hire a trainer” for that.
The assessment is important. With any dog, I want to invade their space, I’m going to surprise them. I have permission from the owner to enter the back yard when the owner isn’t there to see what the dogs reaction is. Most people are amazed that the dog will not protect the property – they run away from me. I’m putting stress on the dog to see if aggression is the result. If a dog is to the point of being outwardly “aggressive”, it’s not going to let me in the back yard. I’m giving the dog every reason to show aggression – including bringing my own dog in.
If there is no aggression, then it’s time to give them choice, to give them back their brain. I need to understand that the dog is capable of handling stressful situations without feeling the need to strike out with their teeth.
When I take reactive dogs for a walk, I am very calm and I do not react to anything. I talk to the dog alot, even tho they can’t understand me, and I probably sound like an idiot at times, but I don’t care. I want them to hear the calm reassuring or encouraging sound of my voice. When the dog reacts to something, I’ll squat down, make myself accessible, let them choose to come or at least get them moving forward again. The answer is no from many dogs starting out, and it’s not personal. They are scared and trying to figure out if they can trust me, they don’t know me from a hole in the ground. If the answer is no, we keep walking, they made the choice – I respect it. Repeat and repeat – give the dog the choice to come to me. And at some point, they do, they make that choice. Now just because they come in for a sniff, I’m respecting them by not trying to show affection, I’m calm and reassuring. When the dog is ready for affection, they will let you know. Am I afraid to get bit? No, the dog hasn’t shown any aggression to me up to this point, and I’m not giving them a reason to. The dog knows I’m in a vulnerable position – and I’m putting myself there – I trust that you’re not going to show aggression. I just want the dog to choose to sniff me, to interact with me, that’s the start of gaining trust. It always amazes me at what can be walked out of a dog when you respect them. Respect their space, don’t invade it, let them choose to invade your space. let them choose to invade the spaces that scare them. I have never been bitten by a dog that I showed respect to. Invading a scared dogs space and forcefully trying to pet it will likely get you bit. This is a correction – the dog is correcting you for not respecting it – but many trainers want to kill a dog like this? This is insane.
And throw the treats in the garbage. They work against you – and treats are actually abusive.
As the dog gets reactive, they learn that they can come to me when they scared. Sometimes they come to me, sometimes they look to me for my reaction. Socialisation isn’t about dogs. It’s about making the big scary world – “not a big deal”. I am not making anything a big deal. At some point, they will only choose to look at me for any reaction, and not need to come to me. Number one through all this, is that I’m showing the dog “hey, I got your back here”, I’m going to protect you from harm. 2 pound Chihuahua or 200 pound Mastiff, they need to trust that you have their back when they need it – not when you think they need it – don’t be a helicopter trying to control everything. That’s where confidence comes from – their trust in you.
As we walk, they choose which direction to go for the most, if they want to stop and sniff something, fill your boots, I’ll wait here. We are starting off with simple choices. This walk is about the dog, they need to start making choices, to learn through social cognition. I need to learn their little idiosyncrasies if you will, so I’m watching her body language closely. I’m not scared and constantly looking around the environment for targets, I’m completely calm. I’m being the change that I want in the dog – calm and confident – and it usually doesn’t take long for them to join me. Given a choice between living in fear – or finding someone that you trust to help you out of that dark space — what would your choice be? Nobody chooses to live in fear – but they can choose to trust. I don’t care about structure at the moment, I need to get to know the dog – the dog needs to get to know me. It’s called building a trusting friendship and many dogs have never experienced that.
Most importantly, I need to learn to trust the dog and trust the dogs judgement. To trust their choices – and that’s the hardest thing for owners to overcome – learning to trust. I’ve already put the dog through the worst stress – and they still haven’t shown any aggression as a result. They chose not to be aggressive – even in an excited state.
You see, my job is simple. To build a relationship with a dog because the owner doesn’t know how. Where trust doesn’t exist, relationships can’t exist. I build a relationship with the dog, earn its trust and let them teach me that I can trust them. But that can only come from making choices. When an owner can watch from a distance their dog calmly meeting dogs and people in a dog park, most are shocked. It could be the first time that someone has shown the dog capable. When they get to interact and walk their dog through the park, let the dog interact, they are experiencing what calm does. The owner now understands that they can trust the dog – and with trust comes respect and confidence. At some point, they will be confident enough to the let the dog go off leash, it’s their choice – not mine. If you have a solid relationship with your dog, they should have no reason to run away from you.
I have a dog that owners would love to have, I’ve had strangers ask to buy him. Their family fell in love with him. But people will fight with me on how to get there.
To me, respecting a dog is treating it like a dog and letting it be a dog. My dog is not my baby, he’s not my child. Don’t call me doggy dad but I do parent him – I’m not the boss or the alpha. He is my best friend and gets all the respect that any of my best friends would get. I love my dog dearly and we cooperate. And I can’t force him to live under my fears – my thresholds. He needs a life.
If I treated my friends the way some owners treat their dogs, nobody would want to be around me. I wouldn’t have any friends in the world. Now ask yourself why your dog runs away from you – and mine doesn’t?
Dog training today has thrown “Man’s Best Friend” in the garbage – and now you’re trying to “operantly condition” your dog to do everything. The system was built broken and the trail of destruction left behind is immeasurable.